


Reflections

by unnaturalhistory



Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: Spoilers up to Time To Kill, attempts at something poetical, but it is not this day, one day i will write something that isn't a oneshot, with apologies to Richard Siken
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-09
Updated: 2017-04-09
Packaged: 2018-10-16 17:22:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10575951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unnaturalhistory/pseuds/unnaturalhistory
Summary: There are two men on either side of a door. Let's call them Daniel.





	

1.  
There are two men running through a cornfield, a man and his past, one wearing a baggy shirt and the other a jacket that smells like another man’s cologne. Do not choose yet. There is still so much to observe. Both men have dark hair, dark eyes, rough hands, loyal hearts. The sun shines down, golden as the corn, blurring the scene so that it’s hard to tell where one man ends and the other begins. The corn seems infinite, but the cliff’s edge is closer than either of them thinks. Do not choose yet.

2.  
There are two men on either side of a door. Let’s call them Daniel. And because the one inside was the first to come in he believes he is real, though the one outside is just as sure. The Daniel outside wants very much to be let in, and the one inside wants the same, but for different reasons. Neither of them is who the other thinks they are. Both of them are the same in this, and many other ways. It’s the ways in which they are different that matter. Can you see them?

3.  
You’re sitting at a bar and you’re drinking something cheap. You’re sitting at a bar and you’re drinking something expensive. You’re sitting at a bar and you don’t care what you’re drinking, as long as it gets you drunk. The liquor shows your reflection and you can’t tell which Daniel you’d rather be, the one in the bar or the one drowning at the bottom of a glass. Take a sip. Break the mirror. You were always so good at breaking things.

4.  
Suppose you’re standing in a field. There are two men here, a man and his reflection, and neither knows which is which. Look into the sky: the sun is blinding. The sun is changing. Did the sun always look like that? The sun is singing, but you don’t understand what it’s trying to tell you. Look into the sky: the sun is a mirror. Which side of it are you standing on, Daniel?

5.  
You’re sitting at a bar and there’s another man beside you. You know him better than he knows himself and this gives you power over him, but you have to be careful not to break him. Breaking things is so easy, but you’ve never liked easy, have you? Reach out, feel the empty space he carries around inside him. We’re all carrying something empty around inside of us. Reach into that empty space. Make it the shape of everything you need. Now say hello.

6.  
Your name is Daniel and you are standing on one side of a door, but which side it is depends on which Daniel you are. Knock on the door. Answer the questions. Do as you’re told. The real Daniel has always been good at following instructions. The real Daniel is well-trained, and would never be caught off guard by something like this. Both of you are caught off guard by this. Each of you swallows his fear. Each of you feels his heart pounding in his ears. Each of you hates, and hates, and hates the other.

7.  
Let’s say the devil is played by two men. We’ll call them Daniel. Dark hair, dark eyes, barbed tongues, loyal hearts - they’re twins, mirror images. The one on this side of the door would die for you, and the one on that side of the door already has, and both of them carry something broken inside that you know how to shape into a weapon. The sun is singing to one, and the other is singing along. Their voices sound identical, but you’ve never been one for harmony.

8.  
There are two men in a motel room just like every other motel room they’ve seen, with two identical beds and two identical scratchy blankets and two identical bloodstains on the carpet, and the room is quiet except for the sound of highway cars hurrying past and the rush of water as someone in the bathroom washes blood from his hands. You would kill for this man, have killed for him, but that’s all just part of the job, honey. Sit up. Listen. You’ll need to know the sound of his heartbeat soon enough.

9.  
Your name is Daniel and somewhere outside this ship a monster wearing your voice is trying to talk its way inside.

Your name is Daniel and somewhere inside this ship a monster wearing your face is trying to get your friends to kill you.

10.  
There are two men on either side of a door, and one of them is a fraud. He thinks about infiltration, about peeling apart the layers of a man and stepping inside his skin, wearing it like another man’s coat until he becomes the mirror. Or maybe he doesn’t, maybe he doesn’t know anything, but can you take that chance? The sun is in your eyes, and the men blur together. The gun is in your hand. The clock is running down. Time to make a decision.

11.  
There are two men running through a cornfield but one is closer to the cliff, now. You reach out to them, but who you can save depends on what you feel. Do you feel anything? Do you care? The sun is in your eyes. Who do you choose, the one with the hands stained with blood and soot or the one with stardust in his hair? Look closely; can you tell the difference? Would it matter if you could?

12.  
You’re standing in a washroom and there’s blood in the sink, but it’s all right because it’s mostly yours this time. The person in the mirror wasn’t you, never was, but that’s all right because you’ve always been good at breaking things in just the wrong way. There’s scissors on the counter and bandages on your hands, and there’s music playing somewhere outside. There’s hair and glass and blood in the sink, all of it yours. Sometimes you are remade. Sometimes you remake yourself. 

Take a deep breath. Open the door.

13.  
There are two men on either side of a door, but one of them is not real. The Daniel inside thinks about how a bullet could shatter the bubble of safety he’s built for himself, and wonders why he doesn’t care. The Daniel outside thinks about stars, and darkness, and the price of loyalty. Neither of them sees the big picture. That’s your job. Can you see the big picture when you can’t even see him?

The gun is in someone else’s hand this time. This was never a democracy.

**Author's Note:**

> Please read "You Are Jeff", from the collection _Crush_ , if you haven't already. [It's pages 43-50.](http://library.globalchalet.net/Authors/Poetry%20Books%20Collection/Richard%20Siken%20-%20Crush%20\(Yale%20Series%20of%20Younger%20Poets\).pdf) It does everything this fic tries (and mostly fails) to do, and more.


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